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"If they'll extend the unemployment benefits for another 193 weeks, I'll be able to retire and collect my social security."
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LUNCH HOUR
Employees Spit On Newspaper CEO's Grave
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Bad attitude and poor work habits?
Florida jobs await you - Start today!!!!
Can't work more than four hours-a-day without a nap.
Known by your employees as a lazy-ass?
Generally, have no earthly clue what's going on?
Wonder what you are doing at work?
What you should do next?
Easily manipulated by your managers?
Unable to make important decisions?
IF YOU HAVE...
-Been fired from at least three management jobs?
-Filed for banruptcy two or more times?
-Run two or more companies into the ground?.
444-DUH-JOBS GOOD LUCK SUCKERS !!!!
WORKING NEWS FROM THE FOLKS AT "THE ONION"
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TODAY'S DAILY STUPIDITY
Published 4/7/09
(SWG) – – Vermont became the fourth state in the
United States to pass legislation making gay marriage
legal recently.
Friday, several business groups surprised the nation
by calling a press conference to react to the
legalization of gay marriage in yet another state.
The American Jewelers Association, The Professional
Wedding Photographers and Videographers of America,
The Flower Growers of North America and the
Intensified Sugar Wedding Cake Manufacturers
Association met at the Chicago Headquarters of the
political think tank organization, The Americans for
Decency and No Gays.
“We are here to congratulate the gay community in
their efforts to convince yet another state to
legalize marriage for their, ah, well, kind,” stated
George Steeley, President of the American Jewelers
Association and spokesman for all the groups.
“We think it’s a fine thing for those people to get
married, even though, and let me make this very
clear, no one on this stage today representing these
business groups is gay,” said Steeley.
After his statement Steely took questions from the
media.
Steeley was asked why the group decided to join
forces and issue their support for gay marriage and
in doing so, why they would choose to hold their
press conference at the American for Decency and No
Gays headquarters, a group vehemently and vocally
opposed to gay marriage?
“Well, I think it’s obvious we wanted to make it
clear to the AFDNG that we support their efforts in
opposing gay marriage and do not want to offend the,
ah, well straight, I mean normal people in America
who support our businesses,” said Steeley. “But if…”
Steeley cut off the reporter’s follow-up question.
“Look, I think it should be obvious that we are doing
this because these gay people having weddings means
more business and more profits for all of us. You
think we support these fa.., gay people’s right to
marry? Of course not,” said Steeley.
“Hell, I’m from Alabama and my Daddy owned three
businesses there in the 1960s. You think for one
minute he came out in support of civil rights,
because he thought it was a good idea,” Steeley said
“Now just print in your damn newspapers and on your
damn TV stations what nice people we are all
supporting the gay community and we get the hell out
of here,” Steeley concluded and walked from the
podium.
“When asked what he thought of Steeley’s remarks for
the group Flower Growers of North America President
Rose Lilac said, “Well after Mr. Steeley’s remarks, I
expect many of our members will be out of business in
six months.”
This is Gary Grouper reporting. Have a better day
today and a better night tomorrow.
JOB RESOURCE LINKS
LINKS OF INTEREST
- One Reader's Review of Florida style Journalism as Practiced in the Pages of "America's Best Community Daily"
- HELP A CAT TODAY
- Top 25 Censored Stories for 2008
